also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
