put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
