i jhust puked up my retainher.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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