I can tuck mytits in my pants
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
