You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think i got beer on your cat.
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