Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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