Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
