pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Randomize
