I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
