Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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