i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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