So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
