My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
