What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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