I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
