She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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