in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
