have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
