There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
