This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
