my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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