i jhust puked up my retainher.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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