i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
