my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
