There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
