did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just cropdusted the office
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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