this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
