Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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