I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
