its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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