If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
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