I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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