Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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