real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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