i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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