but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I intend to get homeless drunk
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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