Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
