Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
