We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
