If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
