made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
