I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
