One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
