I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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