fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
