I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
