I think im going to throw up on grandma
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
