glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
