i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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