When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
