You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
